My husband and My eldest son (recently and very secretly nicknamed ‘Animal‘) are out for the day, leaving me time to catch up with blog life and time to pay some attention to my youngest son who was recently (and secretly) nicknamed ‘cabbage‘. Why these names? Well ‘Animal’ because at almost 3 he has become wild tiger. Cabbage, because compared to ‘animal’ he just sits still, and has occasionally been left in other rooms because he sits so quietly in his rocker.
So today I am going to risk offending many and making others leave this Blog feeling as though I am heartless. But the time had come to release my guilty secret about a few things that make me laugh inside, but probably shouldn’t tell anyone about. As it happens…all of today’s guilty moments occur at the supermarket and as yesterday was shopping day, I was reminded of these annoyingly fabulous events.
The first is one that has made me laugh for years. Such a source of stress for some people yet simplistic pleasure for me.When I’m at the checkout I love to place my groceries as close as possible to the groceries of the person in front of me and watch the sheer panic as they frantically search for the food divider. It is the ultimate crime, for some the actual thought of your lettuce touching their milk will drive them wild with disbelief. Watch them scurry and feel helpless if they can’t find one, they become agitated and begin to throw confused looks at you, hoping you will realise that it was your responsibility to find the divider before invading their ‘spot’ on the conveyor belt. Try it for yourself and then tell me you didn’t like it.
Secondly, when the line at the checkout is so long (you could have popped home for a coffee and still not have moved an inch) please do not act surprised when it is your turn and you are required to pay. This was not an unexpected request. You have had hours to think about it. This slow shopper then spends an additional five minutes looking for their wallets, much to the disgrace of those behind them in the line. People, you have had a lifetime to prepare for this moment, like moths to a flame, you have seen those who have gone before you, Get your shit together! This one is funny only because it used to be me giving the death stares to the slow people…now with the kids……it is me they are waiting for and I know what they are thinking.
Thirdly, it is common courtesy to inform people ‘as soon as they arrive’ at the deli counter, that they should grab a number. It is also a little bit entertaining to watch as ten other people walk up after them and are served before them, leaving the ‘non-number getter’ 407 th in the line for chicken breast fillets and having mildly violent thoughts towards the pusher- in- erers. This is only funny because I have been the ‘non-number getter’ a million times and still haven’t learnt my lesson.
Anyway, my lovely husband and son have just walked through the door….so it is time to resume my other hobby in life ‘Butler/Slave with a touch of insomnia’.