Why men can just say ‘Nah’ and women let you down gently.

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Why is it when a man is asked to do something that they don’t particularly want to do they have absolutely no shame in telling the asker of the unreasonable request ‘Nah mate, I just can’t so it’? If the ‘asker’ of the request also happened to be a male, they feel even less need to elaborate on why they ‘can’t do it’ and the answer is just ‘Nah’. I have listened to my husband just say ‘no’ on many occasions and I must admit while one half of me is cringing at his unwavering honesty, I am always secretly envious of his ability not to get caught up in things he just doesn’t want to do. There’s never any beating around the bush. There’s never a pretend emergency, pregnant dog needing supervision, or apologetic tone promising their kidney in lieu of failed assistance….it is always a straightforward ‘no’.

Women on the other hand, when asked to do something that will be of great  inconvenience to us and at times outrageous will feel so backed into a corner that we end up buying a $900 lunch box from a Tupperware party even after swearing blind we wouldn’t be buying anything.

Why is it that women can’t just say ‘no’ to another women without feeling terrible or feeling the need to offer some amazing unearthly excuse? For some reason I think we feel as though honesty would have drastic effects on the friendship, and in all fairness it more than likely would. We know we are sensitive creatures and whilst a ‘nah’ to a male is just a ‘nah’, to a female it a monumental rejection of friendship. We are just a bunch of overthinking, oversensitive sooks.

 

This is what I would love to say:

 

No, I’m not coming to meet you tonight I’m going to see if I get a better offer first and then get back to you later if nothing pops up.

 

No I won’t be meeting you for a drink later, You’ll be drunk and vomiting by then and frankly it will be a monumental waste of make-up and perfume for myself.

 

No I am not ‘happy’ to go for Tapas because I always leave dinner starving because I have been too polite to be my usual piggish self. I hate that I will still end up having to put in $40 for my ‘alleged meal’ and will end up in the McDonald’s Drive Thru on the way home.

 No, I‘d really like to just sit on my couch and I’m not really in the mood for your crap tonight anyway.

Yes I do mind giving you a lift, in fact I am shocked you even asked …You actually live in the complete opposite direction. Are you kidding?

 No I don’t want to come for a play. It’s actually more relaxing putting pins in my eyes than it is listening to your child for two hours.

 No I really think me putting in $50 for a birthday present for someone I don’t really even speak to is unreasonable.

It’s interesting to note that I would have no problem saying any of this to a really close friend, so maybe the answer is ‘Proximity’ The further removed we are as friends, the less able we are to be completely honest when saying no.

 

I tried a little bit of this male honesty last week. Even though I still offered a small glimmer of hope, It felt great just saying ‘Look I’ll see what I can do but it doesn’t look good’. I felt like the situation was left ‘open’ and that the other person was waiting for a better excuse, but I was spent, I just couldn’t be bothered.

It was a small step, but at least I’m a little bit closer to that elusive ‘Nah’.

So are you a ‘no’ man or a ‘Yes, of course I’ll buy you coffee again even if it is your turn’ man?

 

 

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‘That’s not how you say my name!’ Bad Baby Names

 

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Warning: This post may offend some readers (Apologies in advance) 

As a teacher you could say that I am in the know when it comes to names. I know stupid, I know common, I know naughty, I know cute. During my time in the classroom I have witnessed the good, the bad and the downright ugly when it comes to this legalised form of lifelong punishment. Baby Naming. Yes parents, what starts out as a cutesy, unique name ends up an absolute nightmare for anyone else who ever has to read it aloud. Ignore what the family has told you, they also hate the name you have chosen. Will they grow to love it? Well, yes of course they will, so I’ll be brutally honest and give it to you straight with some easy Naming Rules for you to follow. These are just some of the things that have really urked me over the years.

Naming rule #1

Alise, Elise or Aleeyce? Anais or Anay? Do not choose a traditional name and try to add your version of a modern twist by changing the pronunciation. No one cares about how you want the name said out loud. Unless you plan on being with your child to tell the story of ‘how you actually say it’ for the rest of their lives…..stop being silly. You can also bet your bottom dollar that your Indian doctor will also not consult you on how to say this silly name when shouting it out in the waiting room. On a Tuesday I teach 6 children with the name spelt ‘Maya’ half pronounced MY-A, half pronounced May-a. To be honest every time an adult reads this name aloud it will most definitely be said the ‘wrong way’.

Naming Rule #2

There is not a chance in hell that we will NOT be calling Thomas; Tom, Benjamin; Ben, Alexander: Alex or Matthew: Matty. Surrender and give up. You are not in control of the abbreviation rule. The kids and their peers are in charge here. Stop fighting it, you will not win. Think footy field, think lunchtime, think again precious mums.

Naming Rule #3

Changing a ‘y’ to a ‘ee’ is not okay…ever really. The letter ‘Y’ has done a great job for years so why all the sudden hate? Natalie or Natalee, Riley or Rilee, Bailey or Baylee? Britney or Britnee? The best part is watching the parents get narky because you have spelt the name incorrectly. ‘Oh I ‘m sorry, I was never good at spelling make believe words, you’ll have to help me and the rest of the world out a little’.

Naming Rule #4

With the exception of a Christening, the back of the school ruler, a graduation or a police citation, you will rarely see or hear your child’s name said in its entirety. Why do some parents get so hung up on what the middle name sounds like by reciting it over and over with the given and surname?

‘We’re thinking Britney Jade, Tiffany Jade or Ava Jade, which one do you like better?’ errrm… does it really matter? It is a beautiful idea to honour a loved one by using their name but as long as you and your partner love the middle name why does it matter? No one will EVER hear it unless you tell them.

Naming Rule #5

Unless you are from Byron Bay, Nimbin or a similar hippy, peace lovin’ town, please refrain from calling your child any of the following: Rain, Rayne, River, Reef, Lake, Star, Snow, Wave. Not so pure and ‘at one’ with nature when they are wearing Nike’s, buying meat pies from the tuckshop and living in high rise apartments.

Naming Rule #6

This of course is completely ‘unfounded’ and not proven but ask any teacher and they will agree that for some bazaar reason a large proportion of boys with names beginning with ‘J’ and to a lesser extent ‘B’ have been among the most unforgettable students. I’m thinking Justin, Jayden, Jordan, Jake, Jenson, Jarrod, Jaxon Jay etc etc and Ben, Bradley, Brayden, Bailey etc etc etc. Not always in a negative way, but let’s just say we will always remember a boy beginning with J.

Naming Rule #7

Please stay away from ‘celebrity’ name unless you can pull it off. It is not okay to call your child Nash, London, Cruz or Mariah if you can be found most days cruising the  the local shopping centre barefoot and shouting under toilet cubicles and looking for your lost child while referring to them as a ‘little sh*&t’.

There are many, many more naming no no’s, I could go on for years. I am also frequently asked about names that are overly popular and of course this list changes yearly, but here are some of the top names right now in the 5, 6 and 7 year old age range

Girls: Ava, Grace, Maya, Mia, Lily, Lucy, Kate, Scarlett, Georgia, Isabella,

 

Boys: Jack, Oscar, Seth, Ben, Luke, Nate, Flynn, Finn, Jake, Alex

For the record I absolutely adore most of these names, but as anyone who works with children would know…it is VERY hard to choose names for your own children.

So now it’s your turn…..What really gets on your nerves when it comes to baby names? Or maybe you disagree with some of my rules?